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Aug
17th
Mon
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If Paula Abdul made 2% more sense when she says words, the world would have more time to realize that Randy Jackson has nothing to say.
In your heart, you know this is true.

If Paula Abdul made 2% more sense when she says words, the world would have more time to realize that Randy Jackson has nothing to say.

In your heart, you know this is true.

Mar
8th
Sun
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Asher Roth’s “I Love College” is a Coed Naked Lacrosse t-shirt set to music.

If you disagree, you are wrong.

Mar
5th
Thu
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Not a single interesting thing has happened in hip-hop since 1994.
And you know this!
(PS: If you’re going to say “Eminem,” and many of you are, just listen to yourself.)

Not a single interesting thing has happened in hip-hop since 1994.

And you know this!

(PS: If you’re going to say “Eminem,” and many of you are, just listen to yourself.)

Mar
2nd
Mon
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When your little girl is a robot, you can expect wild and funny things to happen.
Only a fool would deny it.

When your little girl is a robot, you can expect wild and funny things to happen.

Only a fool would deny it.

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If Ant were a heterosexual, he would literally have nothing to say.
Truth!

If Ant were a heterosexual, he would literally have nothing to say.

Truth!

Feb
23rd
Mon
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The Oscars were actually sort of great this year.
I am as surprised as you are.

The Oscars were actually sort of great this year.

I am as surprised as you are.

Feb
22nd
Sun
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If you can’t remember to take a pill every day, then you shouldn’t have a baby.
It’s just a simple fact.

If you can’t remember to take a pill every day, then you shouldn’t have a baby.

It’s just a simple fact.

Feb
16th
Mon
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One day soon, we will discover that Miley Cyrus is a 38-year-old Chattanooga drag queen whose persona was modeled on the nosy neighbor from “Reba.”

There is no getting around this!

Feb
13th
Fri
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From this week forward, when you can’t get people to come to your improv show, “Norman Gentle” is the reason why. 
It is a FACT.

From this week forward, when you can’t get people to come to your improv show, “Norman Gentle” is the reason why. 

It is a FACT.

Feb
12th
Thu
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“Hi! I’ve taken the greatest technological and cultural advance in human history and used it to draw semen on pictures of Haylie Duff.”
There is no excuse for Perez Hilton.
This has been fact-checked, and is 100% true.

“Hi! I’ve taken the greatest technological and cultural advance in human history and used it to draw semen on pictures of Haylie Duff.”

There is no excuse for Perez Hilton.

This has been fact-checked, and is 100% true.